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I found a family on the 1861 England census that I could be related to.
However, when I look at the New GRO Index I find a different situation. It seems like the family said that their name was Brien but on their marriage certificate is says O'Brien and their children have different last names: all a variation of O'Brien.
What are some reasons that a family might do this?
The simple answer is: they didn't.
If they weren't literate (do you have any evidence they were?), then for the census they would have given their details verbally to somebody else to write down (e.g. census enumerator, or a neighbour) who wrote down what they thought they heard. And if the family concerned were illiterate, they wouldn't spot a mismatch. The enumerator then copied the details into his enumerator's book -- so another opportunity for differences to creep in.
The birth certificate was filled in by the registrar not by the family, based on verbal details again. And, if you got a certificate from the GRO, what you've got is a copy of a copy of the original. The registrar filled it in; a hand-written copy was made to send to the GRO who (a century or more later) have copied it for you -- if you're lucky, you'll have an image of the hand-written copy -- but I've received typed transcriptions made by the GRO before now when their copy couldn't be copied. Lots more opportunities for spelling to be altered.
Also of note: standardised spelling is a very recent concept, so it shouldn't be called mis-spelling but variant spelling.
One possibility is that whoever completed the census return adjusted the surname to, as they saw it, fit in. This is certainly known to happen in Scotland as this link https://www.scotlandspeople.gov.uk/guides/surnames will illustrate - the particular aspect there is the Anglicisation of surnames and tweaking O'Brien to Brien would be an example of that sort of thing.
Another example is my own 3G GPs - they came from Cheshire where the form of their surname was Bate. That generation ended up in North Staffordshire where the usual form is Bates with the terminal s. They initially used Bate for civil registration but then, perhaps tired of correcting their neighbours who used the Staffordshire spelling, gave up and used Bates themselves.
The fact that the census used one and registrations another variant, might actually be down to who filled in the original (assuming literacy) One parent might have been the one to go to the Registrar, while another completed that particular census.
Add in issues of literacy and you can think up numerous possibilities, I'm sure.
It probably doesn't apply in your case, but there are certainly cases of people changing the spelling of their name to appear less like a particular ethnicity. For a personal example, my grandfather was full-blood Portuguese (though born in Boston) and his last name appeared to many in the US as something Hispanic. He changed the spelling from 'Freitas' to 'Frates' because he had moved to Los Angeles in the middle of a backlash against Hispanics that would culminate in the Zoot Suit Riots and it was nearly impossible to find a job with the original spelling.
In 19th century England there was strong anti Irish sentiment. In 1836 Benjamin Disraeli wrote this:
[The Irish] hate our order, our civilization, our enterprising industry, our pure religion. This wild, reckless, indolent, uncertain and superstitious race have no sympathy with the English character. Their ideal of human felicity is an alternation of clannish broils and coarse idolatry. Their history describes an unbroken circle of bigotry and blood
Disraeli by Robert Blake (Faber & Faber, 2012; first published in 1966)
I think this was representative of public opinion in England at the time.
http://www.victorianweb.org/history/race/Racism.html
It was commonplace at the time for businesses and places of accommodation to display signs saying "Irish need not apply" or "No Irish need apply"
In the middle of the 19th century England experienced a large influx of Irish people due to the great famine, this further fueled anti Irish sentiments.
Based on this, I would suggest a likely reason for the anglicisation of the name is to escape or mitigate discrimination based on their Irish heritage.
o, it happened somewhere between 3-7 years after the famine, after marriage and the first born child (second born? It's not clear from OP's records) Also, both were born in London, according to OP
Different spellings due to illiteracy are not limited to the 19th century, and there can be an additional component; I can attest to such a case. I grew up in a small town in upstate New York. One local extended family had two surnames, Frenia and Furnia. If you heard how the first syllable is chewed in pronunciation, you'll understand the rest. At one point a Furnia baby ended up with Frenia on his birth certificate. By the time the parents were aware of this, they thought since it was an official government document it could not be changed. Source: my personal experience* hearing it from a member of the Furnia family, and knowing several Furnia and Frenia, c.1970. Unclear how many generations back it had occurred, at least 2 or 3. So the additional component is how a poor, very rural family perceives their relationship to any government entities.
*personal experience, per the guidelines.
Sometimes it was to avoid embarrassment e.g. Ramsbottom becoming Reams.
Here is a more recent typical local example from rural Ireland.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Liam_O%27Connor_(Gaelic_footballer) and https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Matt_Connor are first cousins so their fathers were brothers!
Then there is the Supermarket chain Dunnes Stores. Its founder added the 'e' to his surname because he felt it was better for business.
In the case of some members of part of my own family tree, it came down to a famous criminal and the need to distance from the perceived shame. Another part of my family has spelling differences due to clerks at Ellis Island and the way they spelled the names, and it even goes the same on census forms. The census taker spelled certain names different on their own forms. One child was renamed on census forms as a different child, and the birthdays switched.. not found out until way later in time.
