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If someone calls me brother-in-law , what are they to me? A girl called me brother-in-law , what is she to me? A girl who calls me brother-in-law , what should I call her?

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If the terms are being used correctly according to modern usage:

Somebody who calls you bro in law is either: married to your sister or brother, or a sister or brother of somebody who is married to you.

And if a woman calls you bro-in-law, you call her sister-in-law.

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The following example should make this clear to you.

Imagine that a married couple is (according to the law) a single person.

So, according to the law. You and your wife are the same. So, her sister is for you a sister-in-law. And you are for her a brother-in-law.

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